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How NOT to Flirt in German: The Return of the Poly-flirt

Welcome to the second installment of the Poly-flirt. Now that we’ve wet your appetite with ten hilarious French pick-up lines, here are a few pick-up lines you should never use auf Deutsch.

I had the privilege last year of spending some time in Germany, touring the sites, somewhat vigorously sampling the beer and food, meeting the local people and exploring German culture.

Once I arrived back home, I had some time to reflect on my time there. It struck me that when you attempt to flirt with German girls in the clubs, not only do German girls shoot you down, they shoot you down with a vengeance. Maybe it was my American haircut or fashion, but I would attempt to strike up a conversation and only get, if I was lucky, a stony stare, or at worst a complete denial of my existence.

So it is with these unfortunately numerous experiences that I can write as an expert in what you should never ever say as your pick-up line in Germany (or anywhere, really).

If I said that you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
Wenn ich sagen würde, dass Du einen tollen Körper hast, würdest Du ihn gegen mich drücken?

What is a nice girl like you doing in such a dirty mind like mine?
Wie kommt es, dass so ein nettes Mädchen wie Du in solchen schmutzigen Gedankengängen wie den meinen auftaucht?

That’s a nice soccer jersey, can I talk you out of it?
Das ist ein nettes Fußballtrikot. Kann ich es Dir ausziehen?

Can I give you my cell number in case Hell freezes over?
Kann ich Dir meine Handynummer geben, bevor die Hölle einfriert?

You knocked me out with a look from your eyes!
Dein Blick haut mich buchstäblich um!

I thought that all Angels have wings…
Ich dachte immer, dass alle Engel Flügel hätten…

Learn from my experience. If you want to meet somebody, be original and make him or her laugh. If you want to get brushed away without a second glance, go for these lines every time.

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